My Life Without Bruce

      My husband passed away on October 9, 2014 of an apparent heart attack.  His birthday was October 8, and we had just returned from dinner when he collapsed on the ramp leading into our home.  It is surprising that ten years of my life waking up next to and building my life with him was over in a split second.  How does a person really come to terms with a loss so large?
       It's been three weeks and I am still doing paperwork such as applying for survivors benefits and waiting for the death certificate.  Hardly able to catch my breath and trying to figure out how to be alone again.  Television cures the quiet house, but cooking for one is hardly worth cooking.  I will have to get new recipes that can be modified for one.  I know I am rambling and not about a pleasant subject matter, but life is certainly not always happy.
     Bruce was a United States Air Force Veteran and wore his Air Force T-shirts and hats proudly.  We were quite the pair, the two of us.  I think as people we take for granted that we have more time to go to the museum that we always said we'd go to.  Another year to save money to take that trip to Paris.  It's a real eye opener when the seconds have ticked away and the opportunity to share those moments aren't there anymore.
     That said, don't wait to save for the trips or go to the museums or for that matter just to spend the day doing that thing you always planned to do.  We are not guaranteed tomorrow.  I am not yet able to take comfort from the fond memories.  They hurt to much and are a painful reminder that he isn't here.  In time, I know that I will be able to embrace those memories in comfort, but for now, I grieve.

Rest In Peace, Bruce